


SPLIT PRODUCTION

by Song_of_the_Black_Wolf



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 23:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11679060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf/pseuds/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf
Summary: Levi destroys another meeting.





	SPLIT PRODUCTION

It was a couple of months after the first successful deployment of the long range scouting formation, that a meeting was called for all the top brass of each military branch  for the purpose of explaining the new ODM Gear and how to use it.  Levi was irritated at being summoned.  “It’s not as if I need lessons on how to use my own gear!  I’m the one who designed the modifications in the first place,” he’d grumbled when Erwin told him about the meeting.

 

“That’s precisely why you need to be there.  You can clear up any questions we may have and you know firsthand how the equipment works,” Erwin explained.

 

About half of the attendees were in the room when Levi and Zoë arrived together.  Mike sniffed the air, then blurted out, “You two just had sex!”

 

Zoë missed her chair completely and sat hard on the floor with a yelp.  “GODDAMMIT, SNIFFY!! JUST BECAUSE THAT OVERSIZED HONK OF YOURS KNOWS DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO ANNOUNCE IT TO THE WHOLE GODDAMN WORLD!!” Levi shouted, unable to prevent the flush of red creeping up his ears.  Poor Zoë just sat on the floor laughing herself to tears.

 

Mike just sat across the table, arms crossed and a smug look on his face, while the rest of the room sat in open mouthed shock.  It was so very rare to get a reaction out of the stoic captain that it was considered mythical.  

 

“And besides, what makes you think anyone else in this room really gives a damn what we’ve been doing?!” Levi continued.  “At least I don’t have to pay to get sex!”

 

Mike’s smug look evaporated.  “Ouch!”

 

“Levi!”  Erwin scolded.

 

“What?!  He started it!” _Ugh!  Great, now I’m sounding like a shitty little brat!_   “Fine, I’ll drop it.”  Levi sat down, his usually bored expression returning to his face.  “I’m sorry.  Sometimes I forget that not everyone is lucky enough to have someone like Zoë chasing them around.”  He had meant it as an underhanded potshot at the other men in the room.

 

“Awwww! That’s so sweet!”  Zoë exclaimed as she finally made up into the chair.

 

“Tch!”

 

Once everyone had arrived, the meeting began.  It didn’t take long for Levi to become truly bored.  It was kind of amusing to see the civilian manufacturer in front of the group trying to explain the modifications in the new equipment.  He was a very round man, looking like an overdressed pink India rubber ball, and he was definitely not used to talking in front of a crowd.   Levi found out just how bored he really was when he discovered how amusing it was that the piece of chalk the man was using kept rolling off the chalkboard sill and onto the floor.  _Why doesn’t the halfwit just put the piece of chalk on the podium in front of him?_

As the man turned and bent to pick up the chalk for what must have been the twentieth time, a small tear appeared in the man’s already too tight pants.  Levi’s eyes widened slightly while the room remained in shocked silence as the nervous man put the chalk back on the sill and continued talking, clearly oblivious to his wardrobe malfunction.  _Oh, now this is getting good!_ Levi thought to himself.  Each time the man bent over to pick up the obstinate piece of chalk, the tear got a little larger.  _You’d think the dipshit would have noticed the draft by now! Or at least heard the stifled giggles around the room!  And why the fuck isn’t he wearing any undergarments?!  I know what everyone in this room will be having for nightmares tonight!  Geez!_

It finally became too much for Levi to bear.  _Why the fuck isn’t anyone saying anything?  I mean, sure it’s funny to watch him literally make an ass of himself, but come on!_ Levi stood and with his voice calm, even and expressionless, he said, “I apologize for the interruption.  However, I believe, that since you seem to have an aversion to the wearing of undergarments that for the time being, at least, you should refrain from bending over.”

 

There was a collective gasp in the room, accompanied by a few failed attempts to suppress snickering.  The man looked at Levi blankly for a moment, then reached back to feel the widening gap in his trousers.  He let out a gasp of horror, grabbed some papers to cover his shame and dashed from the room.  As soon as the door closed, the room erupted into laughter – all except for Levi, of course.  He looked out the window behind him and watched as the mortified man clambered into his coach.  “I don’t think he’s coming back.”

 

Several others went to the window and watched the man’s carriage race out of sight.   Erwin sighed.  “I guess that, as the designer, you’ll have to finish the presentation, Levi.”

 

“Like hell!”

 

“Levi, you’re the only other person here that knows how this works.”

 

“Fine.”  Levi stood in front of the group, his dry expression never changing.  “Listen up, ‘cause I’m only gonna say this once.  The only thing that is different about this new design is that it uses less gas and less space.  It handles exactly the same way as the old gear.  That’s it.  Meeting adjourned.”

 

With that, Levi left the room.

 

Pixis sat for a moment in thought as everyone else sat in stunned silence.  "Welp," he said at length.  "I do believe that is what you would call a split production!"

 

 


End file.
